ONCE...ID4

4th of July is the Independence Day for USA.  For me, that day in 2019 is the day that I signed for something that I never imagined before.  By signing means I owe that much...and also perhaps I have something worth that much as well.  Even on the dotted lines...I'm still contemplating.  But well...it is already 5 days after the fact...means I signed it anyway.

Guess it started when I was asked to lead my own team this year.  Many discussions went by since Nov 2018...expectations on both sides was tabled.  Then, in Feb I approached them to say my disappointment.  Apparently, there was a request from high above that I changed/improved few things:

1. attire - no more T-shirts no matter how cool it may seems
2. punctuality - I had my arguments but never mind
3. language - I must behave and no longer use harsh (vulgar?) words in my email

I take it as a challenge then...even I was impressed with my attendance 😅.  The conditions was for 2 months.  In April I was given a letter...but I turned it back as my expectation was not met.  I refused to take the offer.  On the same day, I got what I sought for (unfortunately at 500 discount..demmit!).  After that we are off to Bukit Tinggi for our so-called Off-site Meeting.  It was sweet and lovely hahahaha...

ONCE...SERIK

Serik dengan apa jadi 2018 aku pindah awal tahun haritu...kembali duduk umah tinggi with better security...I hope.  Surprisingly enough this area is quite quiet at night...calm and peaceful.  Dari balkoni boleh dengar bunyi katak dan cengkerik...dah macam kat kampung lak rasanya.  View pun cantik dan menenangkan.

Keadaan ini membuatkan aku mula terpikir nak duduk sini terus.  Thanks to Ron yang tolong aku dapatkan umah sewa ni...ngan dia pun tak berapa ramai kawan...dan yang paling best sekali...dekat dengan customer aku.  Dalam 20 minit aku boleh sampai Putrajaya kira best gile kut.  Gi opis pun walaupun jem at least 1/2 jam sampai.  Cume lecehnye celah mana gerak pun ada tol haih...

Suasana aman camni kadang buat aku terpikir pasal serik satu lagi.  Serik nak sayang orang...serik nak start balik...trauma barangkali.  Terutamanya trauma famili tak terima sebab status aku.  Rata-rata kawan-kawan faham dan suruh aku sabar dan jangan putus asa...sorang je kawan aku; Poklan, bagi nasihat yang lain dari yang lain.

Poklan tanya aku satu jek..."keje serik tak ?"...aku terus terkesima dengar soalan tu.  Dan ntah tak semena-mena macam terbukak lak nak kenal orang.  Cuma sorang out sebab aku pantang disamakan dengan orang lain...sorang lagi lak macam tarik tali.  Nampak memang macam jadi tapi ngelak bila ditanya...kang aku ada orang lain jangan cakap aku curang lak kan huahuahua...

Apa pun...aku bia masa yang menentukan...hati ni pun cam belum ready nak sayang orang betul2...suka ada...nak develop jadi sayang macam lambat...serik malas trauma takut semua ada...ntahlah...keje dlu lah...meet no dulu then baru pikir...adios.

ONCE...kena lagi

12 Dec 2018 meninggalkan satu kenangan yang sayu dan pilu dalam hatiku.  Minggu tu aku cuti sambil kekononnya nak buat planning untuk 2019...memang takde kemana duk umah jek.  Rabu tu decided main golf...siap singgah opis dlu (rindu tak masuk opis gamaknya).

Jam 6.30 petang ada 3 missed calls from Fazli (jiran)...hati aku dah tak sedap...biasa BUGC ke PALAM tu dalam sejam max la...tapi on that day it took me 2 1/2 hours...atas highway jalan tak banyak kete yet I'm driving at 60 kmh kat lane paling kiri...sayu beno hati nengok ke langit mengenangkan nasib.

Sampai dirumah kompom...60" tv...golf set kat hall...laptop (with 11 yrs of work)...kat atas pulak my pouch with semua paspot dan matawang asing kenangan termasuklah kunci spare kete aku kene rembat...sayunye bab keje tu...hdd movies and backup keje situ...and gelang pusaka sekali...Allah je tau perasaanku time tu.  Aku hanya mampu bersyukur atas ujian...pasti ada salah aku yg diuji macamni.

Aku nekad taknak duduk PALAM...dua hari lepas kejadian aku angkat kaki pindah duk seberang jauh dari PALAM...dengan cadangan untuk jual umah ni.  Sepanjang aku duduk sini...3 kali kene pecah...and in 2018 alone, 2 kali in 3 months...aku serik.

Apakah mungkin 2019, Dia mahukan aku bermula baru; rumah...kerja...hidup, start from scratch again...?

ONCE...all said and done

It all started in Apr after such a wonderful week...a trust was lost.  It was unbearable that I don't think I can follow through anymore.  I tried to give it some time to really thought it through but then again...same think happen.

I gave face to learn to live which unfortunately I found out it was not understood.  The intention was wrongly accepted that I had to explain it numerous times.  I know things happen partly due to me but I believed this is for the best.  I wanna do it in a nice way...in peace...in harmony...however as a normal human being I can only plan.

Long story short, I said it at the end of Sept 2018...and all hell broke loose.  Syukur that I'm still alive.  I told myself to stay low for a while...kinda traumatized with the whole events.  Let time heals...eventually...

ONCE...got talent

Off late, thanks to Unifi and my SmarTV I can just watch youtube directly.  My most favorite theme are comedy.  I loved watching Sepahtu Reunion & Live, Lawak ke Der series, Douglas Lim, drag queen from Spore...Comedy Central Asia..and of course Russel Peters and Trevor Noah.

Recently I bum into both America's and Britain's Got Talent.  There are two things that amazed me the most...1) Simon does have good heart and 2) people at large have good heart and very supportive.  I'm amazed to see how supportive the audiences especially when there are real talents performing.  The best things about youtube and all the people compiling the best performances by category made it easier for people like me to watch what I want.

There are few (ermm a lot actually) clips that was very touching...that touched my heart and made me having teary eyes.  To see all sorts of people coming for audition in these two developed countries yet they are not much different that us.  They do have people coming from difficult lives...you know like unemployed farmer, cleaner, single mom/dad, granny, cancer survivors, deaf, bully victim...yet they pour it out there...leaving whomever watching or listening felt good.

Bars & Melody wrote their own song about anti-bully based on his real experiences.  Such a lovely lyrics, melody and emotions.  It moved me to see their joy getting Golden Buzzer and seeing their moms' tears...am speechless.

Darcy's sweetness and Petunia's charms melt everyone's heart including mine.  And my other clips that I loved is about Mandy Harvey who lost her hearing ability at 16 y.o.  Wrote beautiful song about never give up and TRY.

Am I getting soft as I aged ? *sigh*

ONCE...challenges and blessings

Early this year came with quite a challenge.  My patience ran thin...I've forgotten where did I went.  From such a calm and composed person to such a rage no matter where I am.  I recalled last year where I blasted to some moronic Japanese in KLIA...surprisingly hasn't being viral hahahaha...

In February my wife miscarriage...all of us were sadden with the event.  I held my 4 months old fetus...everything was perfect except for his skull.  The blessings maybe as consoled by the doctor, maybe he may not survived after birth.  May Allah blessed him, and wait for me in Heaven.  Or at least he went there for sure.

That part was over but the scene started earlier went from bad to worse.  I can't stop from thinking whether this will be the beginning of an end.  So many things happen that I need to think...tried to separate all those madness and peel the sweetness in it.  But damn it was sooo hard that every time I almost had it...new madness came in.

Slowly...am drawing out the plan...and as I thought it was positively accepted...it derailed from the plan.  Ramadhan came...with all the blessings that He promised...Syawal approaching...let's see whether the time would wear off my patience to execute...or it has turned stone and hard to ever bother again.

ONCE...perjalananan 2016

ku harungi awal tahun ini sebagai seorang suami semula...suatu bentuk kehidupan yang agak lama ditinggalkan dan tempuhi semula dengan pengalaman, cabaran dan kemanisan yang baru...hampir setahun ku tempuh dan aku tahu aku masih perlu belajar...walaupun terkadang aku gunakan pengalaman lalu sebagai rujukan...aku syukur dengan ujian dan hikmah yang dating yang pastinya menjadikan hidup ini lebih baik dan lebih indah...

ku harungi awal tahun ini sebagai seorang pekerja yang menerima penghargaan sebagai Salesman of the Year 2015...ucapan aku dikatakan 'from the heart' dan menyentuh banyak hati dan airmata...hampa bila tiada rakaman dibuat ketika itu hanya rakaman diminda menjadi kenangan...rezeki Allah beri tidak perlu lagi risaukan parking...Alhamdulillah...dan ujian pasti tiba...bajet cut merata...new player dengan taktik luarbiasa dan tahun ini mungkin tak meet number...ujian agar kerja lebih keras dan lebih tajam dimasa akan datang...

ku harungi awal tahun ini sebagai seorang golfer dengan tekad untuk mencapai handicap 14...syukur aku berjaya capai tahap itu dan score terbaik setakat ini 81 di Bukit Kemuning Golf (tulah sekali..haih)...dan seperti biasa naik turun...bagus dalam 1-2 bulan kemudian bodohnya datang balik...harus belajar dan latih semula...membawa ke akhir tahun official handicap 16...improved dari tahun lepas...dan sekarang tgh datang bodoh...harus usaha lagi...

ku harungi awal tahun ini sebagai seorang anak yang masih punya ibu...sabtu 26 nov 2016 bersamaan 26 safar 1438, mak pulang dengan tenang di rumah setelah dua minggu di hospital sg buloh...ku tatap wajahnya hingga ke hembusan nafas yang terakhir...segala urusan berjalan lancar dan mudah...dengan haruman memecah hening pagi sehingga subuh hari..moga mak tenang di sana dan ditempatkan dikalangan orang-orang yang soleh...