ONCE...signoffs !!!

Alhamdulillah...last Thu 30 Apr 2009 was really something.  Had a great meeting in the morning till noon.  Then I received a call asking me to go to Putrajaya if I want it to get the signoff.  Otherwise, I need to wait for another month !

Rushed to Putrajaya..waited for an hour.  Then she came and asked for the documents.  Told her that it was with her.  Waited another 1/2 hour for her staffs to look for the documents.  Help the PA to put the sticker and then I showed her each page that she needed to sign.  Hehehe..she complaint that its too many to be signed (I did told her to exercise her hand as there's a lot to be signed...).

Shared the good news with the people back in the office...and next, they can start working to get the payment.  Finally...few mils coming to MB's coffers..yeay !

ONCE...nightmare ?

Had a nightmare last nite.  Woke-up at 4.30 am...then kinda afraid to sleep as when I just closed my eyes (not even sleep yet), it kinda continued.  But, since it's still far from dawn, nuthin la kut.

Had a good start in the morning (yesterday)...around 10 am received unpleasant news..but it's manageable (just need to be there..that's the problem). At 11 am another unpleasant but managed to sort it out (at least from my view at that time).  11.40 am really had a bad news !!!  Made me feel bad for the rest of my day (till now !!!).

Went to LP but couldn't find her.  'Meeting with Director' as her SMS replied.  The 'bad news' became milder at noon and at around 5 pm seems like back to normal.  But, I've got another troubling news...decided to do it remotely instead of doing it in the office.

Somehow...the 'bad news' turned really ugly around 8pm...being asking myself on what went wrong.  Does it has to be that way ?  I don't want it to be that way...and I don't want to lose it at all...how hard and how painful...I'd make it up...as it is too precious for me...

ONCE...tpt orang

Tengah bulan Mac ari tuh aku pergi ke Eropah Timur...ada keje skek...ni la baru dpt kumpul gambar2 yang nak dipostkan...sekadar memoir ahaks...

Minum kopi ngan makan pastry kat Amsterdam...mmg purposely pegi situ utk minum kopi jek...hehehehe....

Pemandangan malam di Crishatic Road (entah betul ke idak ngejanye)..sejuknye nauzubillah..max dlm 3 Celcius jek...telinga sampai naik beku lah kirenye..hari ke-4 baru dpt beli glove...tahan la sikit...topi yg buleh tutup tinga tu ada nak beli kat adidas..belakang itu kad tarak lepas (besoknya aku taruk la itu bank..debit card maa...not empty somemore...) belakang gua beli topi kampung punya...gerai kat metro station...jadiksla kan...

Ini la pejabat sementara gua...mmg seminggu tuh bertie dan berkot jelah...jenuh menepis awek2 tempatan yang ingin berkenalan (hahaha..perasan poyo !)

Pemandangan unik...tak tau la sebab apa yg depa bubuh mangga bebanyak nih...membacanya buleh..paham je belum..nanti la kalu pegi lagi insya-Allah dah buleh paham..tanya org situ dah tak reti cakap omputih plak..menariknya tpt depa nih, bersih...park dia terjaga...satu puntung rokok pun takde...depa betul2 jaga la..mana yg smoke tuh...duduk tepi dustbin, buang dlm tong sampah...

Malam sebelum balik tuh...depa bawak tengok ballet kat National Opera House...Swan Lake...kirenye terkenal lah...pertama kali teman nengok ballet nih...kabornye, kat Mesia nih takde ballet performance cenggitu...ada pun setakat nari2 ballet budak2 sekolah...satu jek yg teman geli nengok ballet nih...seluar lelakinye...ish...

Tak tau la nampak ke tak...gua punya nampak...nih dah nak balik...was snowing...patutnya dah abis winter..tapi Allah Maha Kaya, dia kata snow...maka snow lah iye....

Nak balik dah la nih...dasat tak opis teman..? Siap ada bendera ngan peta sekali...kat mesia pun tarak camni hehehhe....

Time nak balik...snowing the whole day...pastu dpt lak jalan2 kat taman bersalji....kirenye impian terlaksana sudah...nak pegi time winter and tgk snow...ingat dpt kat Korea ari tuh..belakang dpt kat Eropah Timur...Alhamdulillah....

ONCE...loosing my steam ?

This week has been really challenging.  From Mon till today...i know that late for meeting is not forgivable especially the kind of customer I'm managing (cardinal sin according to my HoS)...and late to come to project office is another.  Punctuality !

Tue, kinda down knowing the fact that I need to change.  As much as I hated it, I have no choice but to join the paradigm which is to 'cover your ass' and 'the hell with others as long as my ass is covered'.  Pretty fucked-up mentality but that's the reality.  It's hurt when all the good things that you've done...for years...gone just for one (I like to call it simple or silly) mistakes.  

Today, I really felt like loosing the steam.  If not for the interest of the customer and the nation on the project that I'm managing...I might have just walk-off.  Suddenly I'm seriously thinking about updating my resume and start flying it around.  I hate to do it...and hate to think about covering my ass first in doing my work...but once it has impacted my reputations...I guess I better do something before it is really to late.

ONCE...syukur !

I came back to Malaysia on 24 Mar 2009...suddenly received calls on my previous project...seems like having a big issue.  Then, I get myself waiting by the street till my friend fetch me to Putrajaya.  I asked the guy on what exactly the issue...to my (not so) surprise..there's none.  We waited for the HoS to arrive then we started the meeting.  Few things that I need to do, but it went well.  

Went back to office that noon, prepared some documents and then proceed for Appreciation Dinner hosted by the company.  Since all the bosses are there (expected already), updated them on the trip, the outcome and the fun that we had hehehe...

That nite also I had some shocking news.  Eventhough some of it was expected...and some within my plan...but didn't think that it might happen sooner than I thought.  Did hope for some time but guess it's best to just do it.  And Allah Maha Kaya, Maha Pemurah dan Maha Mengetahui.  Met my long lost friend and it helped alot.  Dipermudahkan urusan...syukur Alhamdulillah.

ONCE...sejuk woi !!!

It's been almost a week since I arrived here.  Finally, I felt the winter experiences...eventhough it's coming to an end, but still...got wet snow yesterday..and my first shadow as well.  Was getting about 1-4 C in the day and perhaps -1 C at nite.

Yesterday we finished earlier..so we walked at the park, ride the train and had dinner at Arabic restaurant.  The day before we had egg curry and it really made us warmer.  Perhaps, we will go there again tonite.

It's interesting to see their culture..the way they work, the way they dress and the way they communicate and behave.  Like old saying, "Jauh perjalanan, luas pemandangan".  Alhamdulillah, my wish to have a winter experience (eventhough didn't get the snow experience yet), but Insya-Allah kalu ada rezeki...dpt la...

ONCE...I'm losing my breath !

This week has been quite a week.  Been running here and there, chasing people from multiple sites.  Been walking alot too (soon I'll get slimmer..hahaha..).  Alhamdulillah, things has worked out fine.  Flights, hotels, winter clothes, arrangements, visas, currencies and docs.  Now just need to go back and pack slowly.

Bit tired (errr alot actually) but it has been both interesting and challenging.  Tomorrow, spend some time with the kids...then evening head to KLIA.  Guess, I just catch up with my resting on the plane.

ONCE...roasted !

It was 4 Mar.  Received long SMS from boss, arrived at SH at around 1 am.  He's damn serious this time.  Being grilled till 4 am and I've a meeting at 9 in Semarak.  When I decided previously, shared with closed friends esp boss and I've peaceful mind.  Clear direction and plan on how to move forward.  But after being grilled, i felt my head so heavy.  I think that is what people called 'stress'.

On the 5 Mar, he called for a 'brilliant idea'!  I said we talked once I arrived.  He shared the logic and basically he wanted me to go back.  I can see that it impacted him alot, he's not ready, he felt guilty and responsible eventhough I explained that he has no part at all in the whole thing.

But I decided to close my eyes and just follow his advice when RE shared that he's going to quit his MBA.  Damn ! I would feel guilty my whole life man ! It's not what I wanted.  Too many people that I love are at stake with my decision.  He was soo happy when I told him about my decision.  That nite with Pak Ngah lasted till 3 am.  My head was soo heavy and I just don't know why.  Friday nite, dinner with him...talked about the issue..felt a little relieved (had 3 hours sleep before that).  No doubt, my decision break lots of hearts.

Spend the weekend at Kg, came back...my heart not in its peaceful state.  Then I know that it doesn't work.  I tried to put it at ease, but I just can't.  As mom's advice, technicalities...then we talked.  Kinda agreed, amicably and harmony.

Arrived at SH at 1am last nite (or rather this morning), grilled again.  Till 5 am.  Only manage to fall asleep at around 6 plus and woke-up at 3 pm !!!  Seriously, kinda lost.  Know what I want, believed its the best...saw the consequences...seing the plan and believed that I can execute it well.

Above all that, I prayed to God to guide me, to give me strength to endure all this.  No doubt, one after another bombshell keep coming to me...is it a test for my failure ?  Is it a test to see whether I prevail ?  Ya Allah...guide me please...

ONCE...interesting day

It is really an interesting day today.  Started early morning...did the '20 minutes plan' thingy but with the results today...either need to be perfected or poor planning altogether.

The meeting in the morning was cancelled, then got invitation for the appreciation lunch.  Am cracking my head on what did I do in between of that.  Man !!! Time really flies today.  Lunch went well with some exciting news (ermm...or gather hints on the news), after that it started to rumble a bit.  Misunderstood on one meeting in MV.  Rushed there and facing the cold faces from few people.  I was thinking that my good performance might go to the drain.

Talked with the CEO, hearing his gruntings, convinced him to give me a chance to prove that we can meet his expectations, then head back to HQ.  Had a chat with the boss...being adviced and reprimanded (in a very suttle way).  Luckily on the rumble at MV he's ok with it.  Assured him that I'll do as what I promised to the CEO then went to the 2nd boss.  Again backed by him, now I know how to play the game.

On the news, it's very exciting.  Just the timing wasn't sure.  Anyway, life is great...! Allah is The Most Greatest !

ONCE...all is done ?

It was early Wed (25 Feb) morning...too early that either people are supposed to be sleeping or not supposed to be awake at all.  I said it all that morning, the intention, the thinking and most importantly...the decision.  Earlier seems like well...but then it's not quite as expected.  And that incident kinda close any chance of closing the gap and trying again.

I had enough i guess.  For the best of all, I believed that's the best solution.  Have tried so many ways, bearing it for as long as I can remember...and with much thinking and trying...I've lost all the steams to move on.  Thinking further just made my head heavier, trying to figure out the light at the end of the tunnel that never seems to come out.

As much as I want to get it over with, I have to hold on for just a little while.  I guess, Mar 2009 will decide...whether it'll be over...or better.  For now...I apologize to all that affected...it's my bad...I'm really really sorry...

ONCE...hmmm...

Many things happen since 13 Feb...all the way over the weekend...wanna share it here but dunno how & where to start...best of all...can't really share it  :(   be it good or bad, has to swallow it alone...

man...do i love or hate my job ? hmmm...

ONCE...syukur

I spent almost the whole day yesterday in the office to update all the status about my current project in the system.  Then, update all the necessary DBs as well as trying to do the tender (but didn't managed to).  And some 'heart-broken' incident that happen as well.

Anyway, today had a meeting with the team preparing for tomorrow's.  They expected me to be there everyday and just forget the remaining task that I have back in the office.  Hmm...how I wish I could.  Back to office, had few meetings...then my boss told me that she has something to talk to me...erk..suspense !!!  

She told me that she need to put me into the KH project but further details Roks will update me.  Then, sat down with Roks & Man...being welcomed to the team..briefed briefly on the scope and expectations.  Told him about my pending activities and hope that can announce that I start full-time starting next week.

After that, bum into Roks at the surau where he told me that I'm lucky.  Someone requested for me to be involved in the project, otherwise he said, no new bodies will join the team.  Hope that does not bring uneasiness to the team.  And with that also, the expectations are high on me.

Now, I started feeling that time is really short for me.  I remembered one hadith..lebih kurang camni la:

Beringatlah tentang 5 perkara sebelum datangnya 5 perkara:

- Muda sebelum tua

- Sihat sebelum sakit

- Lapang sebelum sibuk

- Senang sebelum susah

- Hidup sebelum mati

Nevertheless, am thankful to God for His blessings and guidance in going thru all those challenges.  Alhamdulillah...

ONCE...getting closer

Yesterday, supposed to present to the Director.  Prepared everything till 4 am.  Had 2 hours sleep then went to Putrajaya for Chg Mgmt meeting followed by the presentation to the Director.  The presentation should start at 2.30 pm but only to know at 2.11 pm that the Director might not attend !

Bit frustrated, but we went ahead.  My Head of Sales arrived, I briefed him about the situation and the impact...we will not get any signoff.  Take it positively, went ahead to present everything as planned.  Went well ;-)

During Q&A, mixed response received.  Got few scuds...and few supports as well.  Justified and explained everything.  After the meeting, I 'usik' the scuds' launcher..."amboi garangnye..tak kasi can langsung...." hehehe...some apologized stating that it's only during the meeting (that's actually the critical time for you to be friendly...duh!) but everybody laughing...no heart-feeling per-se.

I guess...need to really strategize on how to convince them as some source saying that the Director is ok to sign...just that her team couldn't answer some of her questions regarding the project.  That made her wary on the progress.  Insya-Allah, it getting nearer to completion.

ONCE...it's time of the year again

During this time, all the bosses are busy finalizing their subordinates' CPE (performance evaluation).  Mine was not that impressive last 2 years...I believed should be better for last year.  The Annual Kick-off is on 11 Feb 2009 and only then I'll know whether I've improved greatly or not.  If my not doesn't come-up, the following days after that will be the session with my boss or getting the final evaluation.

There are few things that I wanna do if am entitled for HPC.  Insya-Allah I'll share it once I know the result. 

ONCE...war is still on

The project that am handling now may seems like coming to an end already.  On 2 Jan 2009, we had a good presentation, celebrated it with the team that nite thinking that we made great progress.  We did in fact and I told my dear friends that I may be coming like Frodo.  Going thru routines that he need to go to the Elves island for another adventure.

The following weeks I realized that the war is not over yet.  We may have won few battles, but the war is still on.  It's only the end of the Fellowship of the Ring and entering to The Two Towers.  On 21 Jan 2009, we will make a presentation...gearing it to be the final presentation to the Director.  Could it be the Return of the King and the end of the Lord of the Rings ?  Hope so hehehe...

I must say, it has been great experiences working in this project.  The sentiment, the spirits, the challenges, the trauma, the pain and the gain are all priceless and no money in this world can buy it from me (but you can pay me to share hehehe...).

I've prepared my slides for the presentation...will do a mock-up presentation to my bosses tomorrow morning.  Final rehearsal with the team tomorrow nite...then full day meeting on Wed.  Wed noon will be D'Day !  Please God, make it all seamless to us during the presentation, Amin.

ONCE...welcome 2009 !!!

Good bye 2008...welcome 2009 !  Lots of good and bad in 2008..all the goods to be cherished, maintained and in fact, polished for better...the bad are priceless experienced to be remembered and improved...simply said, all the experienced are priceless...and it prepared us to be a better person in the future.

Have set 3 focus areas for me in 2009...in fact, for 5 years.  But the goals are set for 2009 first...yet to plan the strategy in accomplishing those.  God's will...I'll hit them all with flying colors.

ONCE...towards the end

Last week has been very challenging.  The pressure to complete the project is one, pressure to ensure numbers met is another. On Christmas Eve, we got to know that some numbers has been taken, and it affect badly on the numbers that we forecasted.  And, customers' availability made the pressure so intense that it can blow an island !!!

Been strategizing since then...execute one by one.  Some battles has been won...but the war is still on.  By Dec 30, one battle to be won...Jan 02, another battle...and perhaps only on 3rd week of Jan '09 that the war can be concluded.  But, I foresee an uphill battle by then.

Soooo many lessons to be learnt from this project...both on- and off- project.  The good and bad..the sweets and pain..the glories and failures...

ONCE...feeling the heat ?

Crazily busy lately !  Pushing the limit to ensure everything can be delivered by year end.  The dev team showed tremendous progress...eased my pressure and lifted my confidence.  Now, getting all documentation and preparation for the signoffs.

Trying to get the hotels for trainings and UAT sessions are really out-of-mind-crazy at this moment.  Most of the hotels are fully booked...flights not available...but doing it in Klang Valley may not get the best results.  And the feeling that am doing it alone while everybody is watching.  Some waiting with joy for me to deliver...some with scepticism that it can be done.

Really feels lonely today... :(   Nevertheless, will focus and strategize in getting it done !  At this moment, delegation may bring disappointment.  Guess better to be sure myself !

Just wondering...now, am pushing the limit with all the pressures (that sometimes I didn't feel ?!)...what would happen when there's no pressure ?  Would I be like headless chicken in the dark ?  Would I collapse (hahahah) ?  Not to mention...the unspokable pressure lies beneath...hmm...may God bless me with strength, confidence, determination and strong-will to make it a SUCCESS !!!

ONCE...birthday card

My wife sent me this lovely poem in my birthday card...thank you dear...

ONCE...alone at Project Office

Had a meeting this morning at my project office in Jln Duta.  After lunch, doing my work alone here.  So the best one hehehe.  Played the songs outloud...singing outloud...same time doing my work.  Guess the most productive documentationing work so far hahaha.  Too bad my VPN not that stable..otherwise, probably all DB in the office would be updated.

Best part, all those done while chatting, listening, singing and thinking.. Waaa...hehehe...(comforting myself.....)