ONCE...empty ?

Had dinner last nite when suddenly two men asked me to join their table...looks like tabligh guys..me with my short hehe..and true enough, they started their pitch and i just nod the entire conversation...he admitted that nodding may not be positive..but i just reserved my comments..

At one point he asked me, "what's in your heart now ? because when I observed you, you look like full of emptiness"...and i just laugh my heart out...is it really appear on my face ? or is it because i'm really not thinking about anything...

For some reason, I know that He planned for us to meet..just what move shall i make ? To go outing, seems like not in my favor at all...i believed there are many ways to reach that one path...perhaps, i should share my thoughts with him when i see him again...perhaps he'll call to ask me to join them...let see how it goes...

"Ya Allah, Kau permudahkanlah urusan mereka, tingkatkan kesabaran serta ketabahan mereka, berikan mereke kesihatan dan hidayah serta kesempurnaan dalam mengerjakan tanggungjawab mereka. Amin."

ONCE...32nd !

Alhamdulillah...meningkat dan harapan membawa kepada kebaikan. Berkat doa rakan2 dan keluarga, moga tabah menjalani hidup yang penuh pancaroba ini. Syukurku kepadaMu ya Allah kerana memberikan aku nikmat kesihatan, akal fikiran serta ketabahan dan kesabaran dalam menempuhi liku-liku hidup ini.

ONCE...in Sandakan

First time in Sandakan and I'm having problem to sleep. Dunno why. Isn't because of blunder that I made on Monday ? Partly I guess.

Sometimes, I don't know what exactly should I do. Should I stay on as requested ? Should I move on as expected ? Or should I just let Him give what best for me ? I can't just leave all to Him without making any efforts right ?

Sometimes, people wonder how I remains strong (or appear strong to me). Sometimes, I also wonder how do I managed to remain calms and appear as strong. Because sometimes, it really hits me. Felt like I can't bear it anymore. Can't bear to hear, to see, to feel and to think. But when I refused to hear, refused to see, ignore the feelings and shut my mind to think...it came back from nowhere and suddenly erupted my mind altogether. And most of the time, it turned out really ugly. For most of the time, I've to heal myself.

Perhaps, Allah really give me this kind of strength. That I can shutdown that part when it comes to serious matter which requires my full attention and concentration. Alhamdulillah.

words of wisdom from my latest book that I grabbed at KLIA "How The Mighty Fall by Jim Collins"

"Whether you prevail or fail, endure or die, depends more on what you do to yourself than on what the world does to you." -Jim Collins-

ONCE...syahdu

Pagi ini kerje aku bermula agak awal..mungkin terlalu awal. Kemudian, mesyuarat silih berganti. Namun, aku semacam puas. Sepertinya, sudah lama aku tidak mencerna minda untuk berfikir pantas, menjana idea dgn rakus serta menyampaikannya dengan semangat. Sudah agak lama minda ini tidak dicabar dengan bantahan-bantahan berkualiti.

Malam ku berakhir lewat. Namun, aku puas kerana selesai apa yang ingin diselesaikan hari ini. Dikala aku mula merasa sedikit gembira melayan kerenah kenalan baru, aku ditempelak seakan bermotifkan suka. Dan dikala aku memujuk hati kerana ditempelak sedemikian, hatiku memujuk sayu dirinya sendiri. Akan peranan aku untuk menceriakan. Umpama lilin yang membakar dirinya, agar insan lain bisa nikmati cahaya.

Dan dikesyahduan malam yang sepi ini. Merenung ke langit yang indah ciptaan Tuhan. Rasa hamba dan rendah menyedari dimana letaknya diri ini. Letaknya diri ini dalam situasi yang memilukan. Rendahnya diri ini disisiNya.

Maka apakah harus aku membiarkan diri ini pilu dalam drama ini ? Atau apakah aku harus persetankan semuanya ? Atau mengikut sahaja caturanNya dan berserah padaNya ?

Nukilan dan hakcipta terpelihara - NMD 14 Oct 2009

ONCE...full steam ahead !!!

Had a good meeting this morning...and all of us has to be in full gear. It'll start to be aggressive and perhaps hectic as well. It shall be an interesting new beginning...

ONCE...black Monday ?

It was quite a challenging Mon I must say. Being attacked from the beginning..almost everything I say has to be attacked first before rational kicks-in. Dunno what really hit me...why..? Few people noticed it.

Shared with my boss on the situation and the advice among other things was to bear with it. Increase the threshold, be patience and I will not be left there alone. On one angle, kinda overwhelm with the recognition and acknowledgement on my skills and capabilities to handle such a delicate project. On another angle, kinda sad as I can't pursue the area that I might be able to perform better. For now, need to collect myself back..plan properly and execute accordingly.

And as I'm about to collect myself, I got food poisoning and headache !!! Collapse the whole night and Tue as well. Missed Cradle's open house :( And when everything seems to be alright this morning, something 'bad' happen just 5 minutes before I reached office. Damn !!! Oh well..just bear with it...

ONCE...raya ngan anakanda

Weekend ari tu aku beraya ngan anak2. Terubat rindu selama ni. Cume ada mixed feelings with them. Seronok bila tgk diorang main, gelak2, manja2...tapi sedih bila mengenangkan apa yg dah dipasak dlm pemikiran diorang. Tambah ngan apa yg jadi baru2 ni buatkan aku lebih terusik.

Satu ketika aku tertanya2 kenapa ini semua terjadi...dan aku tertanya2 dimana aku yang dulu. Yang tenang dan sentiasa pasrah dengan keadaan...walaupun ada ketika aku memang tenang, terima seadanya, cume kadang2 aku tertanya2. Aku tak pernah bertanya sebelum ni.

Berat sgt ke dugaan aku kali ni ? Aku tau ada hikmah disebalik setiap ujian dan kejadian...apakah aku telah menjadi lemah ? Tak mungkin ! Kerana ujian yg diturunkan pastinya kerana aku boleh melaluinya...cume apakah jalan yang aku ambil ini yang terbaik ? Hanya Dia yang tahu segala2nya...

ONCE...LIFE

Life is a journey full of ups and downs The downs gave us experiences to move on and up The ups gave us confidence to strive and move further -haizam Sept 2009-

ONCE...satisfied ?

Malam tadi aku bersemuka untuk mendengar sendiri dan meluahkan sendiri supaya masing2 dpt mendengar dari mulut masing2. Alhamdulillah..walaupun tidak semua yang aku hajatkan masa solat hajat lepas maghrib tadi termakbul, tapi yang penting aku tenang, urusan dipermudahkan dan menerima semuanya dengan baik. Perbincangan tersebut juga menemui persetujuan yang harmoni.

Aku pun mulanya agak pelik bagaimana aku boleh setenang itu dalam menerima keputusan tersebut. Tapi aku percaya Allah sentiasa ada bersamaku, berkat doa yang dimakbulkan aku menerima ketenangan dan redha dengan ketentuanNya. Kupohonkan petunjuk dan hidayah dariNya agar aku menemui hikmah yang terselindung disebalik semua ini.

ONCE...shocking news !

Yesterday, I was told about the news. Quite old actually it started a day before Raya. It just arrived to me yesterday. I'm really puzzled on how it turned out that way as the things that was going all along was kinda smooth and good. Keep asking myself why was I being tested this way...like this.

Had a long chat with my brother few hours ago...I realized what I used to tell people to do..and what I used to practice myself which I didn't do it now. I'm supposed to thank Him...syukur with the test given to me. I know that there are blessings in disguise for whatever happen and I need to seek for it. I just forgot to syukur.

So, here I am..."syukur pada Allah kerana memberikan aku ujian ini yang pastinya mempunyai hikmah dan hidayah untuk aku meneruskan hidup ini..walaupun sukar dan pedih namun harus kutabahkan hati dan pasrah serta redha dengan takdir Ilahi"

I hope, I will get a chance to face or confront on this matter so that I know that I've make my effort and leave everything to Him.

ONCE...raya 20092009

Just realized that this year's raya fall on the 20 Sept 2009 (20.09.2009)...such a nice number. Spent time at Kg since late nite yesterday...fair to say about 24 hours ago...only slept after subuh..then woke-up at 9am, go to the market to pick-up the chicken...helped mom out with the chicken and onion and other stuffs for rendang...took a nap from 1pm till 3pm.

Then, cook the nasi himpit...buka puasa...then rendang...then chiffon cake...then the icing...of course the in-between meals...now waiting for my sister...and almost everybody still awake...felt soo good...of course I missed my kids...spoke to Nu'man..my daughter as usual blend into the kg thingy with her young aunts and cousins...anyway, Allah so Great that both Ila & Ira was soo manja with me...

This shall be one of the greatest Raya I've ever had...

ONCE...raya datang lagi..

Ingin mengucapkan Selamat Hari Raya dan Maaf Zahir Batin kepada rakan2 sekalian. Semoga lebaran ini mengungkap seribu keberkatan dan kerahmatan. Selamat beraya didesa, berhati-hati ketika memandu.

ONCE...dugaan Ramadhan

Ramadhan tahun ni pastinya berbeza dari Ramadhan yang lepas2...kali nie aku sahur sorang, buka sorang..terawih pun mostly sorang2. Kadang2 je berbuka dgn kawan2...hasilnya, berat aku turun 5kg hehehe...

Dugaan kali ini agak berlainan...namun aku pasrah...aku redha yang aku perlu usaha lebih untuk mendekatkan diri..tapi Ramadhan kali ini jugak aku dpt get in-touch balik dgn kawan2 yg dah lama aku tak dgr berita...mcm jebat, sahak...dan aku baru sedar betapa keciknya dunia ni dlm dunia siber...aku baru tau ada beberapa kawan yg ada kawan yg sama dgn aku...itulah ketentuan-Nya kan...

Baju raya aku tahun ni simple je...beraya ngan family kt kampung..lambat sikit baru dpt beraya ngan anak2...semoga pasrah menghadapi hari mendatang...

ONCE...tersedar !

Lepas terawih semalam fikiran aku melayang2. Mengenangkan semua yang terjadi lebih2 lagi sepanjang minggu ini. Dengan selesainya 1 Sept ari tu, membuat aku terpikir yg segalanya telah dipermudahkan.

Negotiation on agreement before that, which on that day itself i realized that changes made thus reducing the immediate transfer...then the process on that day itself...and few good news from my good friend.

Syukur Alhamdulillah...and dgn segala kejahilan aku baru teringat yg aku belum buat solat syukur sebab selesai ari tu...apa nak jadilah....apapun, better late than never...

ONCE...baik tau atau tak tau ?

Pagi tadi aku mendapat tahu sesuatu yang agak mencengkam jiwa. Bila difikirkan balik, memang aku jenis yang suka untuk tau daripada tak tau. Walaupun menyakitkan, tapi aku tau dan aku mungkin boleh berbuat sesuatu untuk memperbaiki keadaan yang aku tau tu. Dan setakat ni memang Alhamdulillah, aku memang boleh menangani perkara2 tersebut walau sakit macam mana sekalipun apa yang aku tau tu.

Tapi, apakah tiba masa untuk aku cuba untuk tak tau pulak ? Ke buat tak tau ? Apa impaknya ? Kalu cuba taknak tau...aku mungkin akan tau jugak akhirnya. Kalu buat tak tau, lain pulak jadinya.

So, baik tau ke tak tau ?

ONCE...selesai

Alhamdulillah...pagi tadi dah selesai semuanya. Ermmm...pengesahannye la...nak mendapatkan dokumen2 semua mungkin lagi 4-6 minggu. Cam tak paham gak apa yang lama sangat, tapi ntahlah...camne nak maju.

Apa pun, syukur kehadrat Allah kerana hari ini telah dipermudahkan untuk tujuan ini. Bermula dengan SPN yang berjaya disiapkan pagi tadi sebelum pukul 9 pagi, dan pendengaran keputusan yang berlangsung dengan aman. Alhamdulillah....

ONCE...challenging

It's been a week after I came back. Lots of things happen, good and bad. With ongoing Ramadhan, the challenges has been quite interesting and demanding as well. Is today the most challenging ? Perhaps...based on the scenario of the challenges.

Please God guide me. To all my dear Muslim friends...Selamat Berpuasa.

ONCE...things happen for a reason !

Today, all the delegates arrived from KL. And we were treated for dinner by our partner here at Kiruni Restaurant. Guess what ? It was the restaurant-in-the-jungle that I bumped into on Sat during my exploration in the woods ! Things happen for a reason right ? Just that today, there was no POLAR BEAR mascott :( I had planned to take picture with him as the car turned to where I came out that day...perhaps, he had returned to the Artic as it's too sunny here since Sunday hahahahaha...

ONCE...nice weather

Yesterday was not soo sunny. It rains almost whole day...sky was dark. Rain quite heavy in the afternoon...I managed to go out at 2pm. But today was different ! I woke up at 8am and it was sunny skies. No cloud at all. Had my breakfast, that I'm on my foot at 11am with inner shirt and short-sleeve black t-shirt.

Me at the Rohnidyns'ka vul

When I tested the sun this morning, it's typical summer...the sun doesn't mean a thing. It's windy and quite chilled. But, as I walked..the sun was right above me and I felt some heat. Guess I'll be tanner once I'm back...there goes my plan to be a little bit fairer. Yesterday's was really challenging...was walking in the woods at Khreschatyi Park. I was walking without knowing where does it end...where would I came out. Till I found a building...and near the fence I saw white hairy thing ! Quite big !

Restaurant in the Jungle with Polar Bear

I felt relieved to know that it's a restaurant. Quite exclusive I guess. Then, it took quite a walk to get to Dynamo Stadium. I bummed into an archery post where the guy was shaking his head when I asked him how to go to Dynamo Stadium. He looked at my shoes and gave me the direction. And only today that I noticed that the map does show the route that I took. If only I noticed it earlier. I walked about 3 hours yesterday..about same time on Fri nite and again today.

But, today not so much walking. I spend about 3 hours at the park alone...reading ! I was at the park at Tereschenkivs'ka vul, near T. Shevchenko University. The steets was filled with half a dozen of museums.

Me in-front of T. Shevchenko University

After finishing my book which I bought 4 days ago, I make my way heading back to the hotel. As I glanced at the map, am interested to check out the Museum of Science and Natural History. When I arrived there, I almost resign from going in. The emblem says "National Geological Museum" and another "Institute of Geology"...nothing on science !!! But, what the heck ! Paid 15 uah, and I spent about an hour in there. Quite interesting ! At the Birds section, they preserved lots of birds...and they tag bears the year. Some dated like 1728...but I'm not sure wheather the bird was preserved that old or it was first found that year. Lemme improve the language then perhaps, I get better picture.

Owl at the museum

Mammoth. Other dinasours' bones are available too.

Small aquarium at the Sea section. Beautiful corals isn't it ?

These is supposed to be one picture...dunno how to merge it in Blogger and I'm not good at manipulating pictures. This is the picture of ancient city of Kiev (i guess hahahaha).

Then, I head back to the hotel. The pic below was taken yesterday.

It's the Monument of Independence at Khreschatyk vul. The road was closed during weekends and there's lots of people there. Some showing their dancing skills, some singing, etc. Creative ways to get some money

The best one for me today was this pic...

'Running sign' ? I dunno what it means..seen few of this here.

My Berahims are running out quite fast. The delegates are coming next week. Just now, wanted to do some ironing, so I requested for iron board and iron. Apparently, they don't send you one. There's an ironing room ! And guess what ?! It was besides my room hahahaha. Done with my ironing...wanna take some shower afterwards...and get ready to bed.

Da Svedaniya !

ONCE...not soo summer

It's 22C on a day and about 17C at nite. Yesterday, I walked 3 hours, all the major and minor roads...based on the map collected at the hotel. Regained my cyrillic which i planned to polish while i'm here.

I planned to go to the park today...spend some time reading...then look for some souveniers before head back to the hotel. Will be spending the nite in the hotel reading and polishing.

Had quite interesting experiences yesterday. In here, you might find money wrapped in plastic bag on the street. But, don't you ever...ever take it !!! Even if you see that it's dropped from the guy in-front of you. It's a scam ! If you take, and tried to return it to the guy, he will say there's another package and accused you of taking it. Then, a cop (his friend actually) will appear and they will start talking and you don't understand a word...the cop will asked for you passport and wallet...and they will take whatever in your wallet (since of course, you don't want the hassle to go to the police station in this foreign country).

It does happen to me that way yesterday. Someone suddenly walked besides me...then with a surprised expression, he collected the money. I just walked like no body's business and after a while i looked back. Nothing happen to him ! It happened twice. Either these guys are really lucky to walk away with those money...or they're part of it.

Another one, this guy talked to me and I only managed to pick-up "..cigarette..". So, I said I don't understand but here you go. You know what ? He repeated himself in English (that time he has held the cigarette and i'm ready to light it up for him). I said "it's fine..you can take it...". Then I get my ass out of there...

Well...hungry...makan time !!!