ONCE...ID4

4th of July is the Independence Day for USA.  For me, that day in 2019 is the day that I signed for something that I never imagined before.  By signing means I owe that much...and also perhaps I have something worth that much as well.  Even on the dotted lines...I'm still contemplating.  But well...it is already 5 days after the fact...means I signed it anyway.

Guess it started when I was asked to lead my own team this year.  Many discussions went by since Nov 2018...expectations on both sides was tabled.  Then, in Feb I approached them to say my disappointment.  Apparently, there was a request from high above that I changed/improved few things:

1. attire - no more T-shirts no matter how cool it may seems
2. punctuality - I had my arguments but never mind
3. language - I must behave and no longer use harsh (vulgar?) words in my email

I take it as a challenge then...even I was impressed with my attendance 😅.  The conditions was for 2 months.  In April I was given a letter...but I turned it back as my expectation was not met.  I refused to take the offer.  On the same day, I got what I sought for (unfortunately at 500 discount..demmit!).  After that we are off to Bukit Tinggi for our so-called Off-site Meeting.  It was sweet and lovely hahahaha...

ONCE...SERIK

Serik dengan apa jadi 2018 aku pindah awal tahun haritu...kembali duduk umah tinggi with better security...I hope.  Surprisingly enough this area is quite quiet at night...calm and peaceful.  Dari balkoni boleh dengar bunyi katak dan cengkerik...dah macam kat kampung lak rasanya.  View pun cantik dan menenangkan.

Keadaan ini membuatkan aku mula terpikir nak duduk sini terus.  Thanks to Ron yang tolong aku dapatkan umah sewa ni...ngan dia pun tak berapa ramai kawan...dan yang paling best sekali...dekat dengan customer aku.  Dalam 20 minit aku boleh sampai Putrajaya kira best gile kut.  Gi opis pun walaupun jem at least 1/2 jam sampai.  Cume lecehnye celah mana gerak pun ada tol haih...

Suasana aman camni kadang buat aku terpikir pasal serik satu lagi.  Serik nak sayang orang...serik nak start balik...trauma barangkali.  Terutamanya trauma famili tak terima sebab status aku.  Rata-rata kawan-kawan faham dan suruh aku sabar dan jangan putus asa...sorang je kawan aku; Poklan, bagi nasihat yang lain dari yang lain.

Poklan tanya aku satu jek..."keje serik tak ?"...aku terus terkesima dengar soalan tu.  Dan ntah tak semena-mena macam terbukak lak nak kenal orang.  Cuma sorang out sebab aku pantang disamakan dengan orang lain...sorang lagi lak macam tarik tali.  Nampak memang macam jadi tapi ngelak bila ditanya...kang aku ada orang lain jangan cakap aku curang lak kan huahuahua...

Apa pun...aku bia masa yang menentukan...hati ni pun cam belum ready nak sayang orang betul2...suka ada...nak develop jadi sayang macam lambat...serik malas trauma takut semua ada...ntahlah...keje dlu lah...meet no dulu then baru pikir...adios.

ONCE...kena lagi

12 Dec 2018 meninggalkan satu kenangan yang sayu dan pilu dalam hatiku.  Minggu tu aku cuti sambil kekononnya nak buat planning untuk 2019...memang takde kemana duk umah jek.  Rabu tu decided main golf...siap singgah opis dlu (rindu tak masuk opis gamaknya).

Jam 6.30 petang ada 3 missed calls from Fazli (jiran)...hati aku dah tak sedap...biasa BUGC ke PALAM tu dalam sejam max la...tapi on that day it took me 2 1/2 hours...atas highway jalan tak banyak kete yet I'm driving at 60 kmh kat lane paling kiri...sayu beno hati nengok ke langit mengenangkan nasib.

Sampai dirumah kompom...60" tv...golf set kat hall...laptop (with 11 yrs of work)...kat atas pulak my pouch with semua paspot dan matawang asing kenangan termasuklah kunci spare kete aku kene rembat...sayunye bab keje tu...hdd movies and backup keje situ...and gelang pusaka sekali...Allah je tau perasaanku time tu.  Aku hanya mampu bersyukur atas ujian...pasti ada salah aku yg diuji macamni.

Aku nekad taknak duduk PALAM...dua hari lepas kejadian aku angkat kaki pindah duk seberang jauh dari PALAM...dengan cadangan untuk jual umah ni.  Sepanjang aku duduk sini...3 kali kene pecah...and in 2018 alone, 2 kali in 3 months...aku serik.

Apakah mungkin 2019, Dia mahukan aku bermula baru; rumah...kerja...hidup, start from scratch again...?

ONCE...all said and done

It all started in Apr after such a wonderful week...a trust was lost.  It was unbearable that I don't think I can follow through anymore.  I tried to give it some time to really thought it through but then again...same think happen.

I gave face to learn to live which unfortunately I found out it was not understood.  The intention was wrongly accepted that I had to explain it numerous times.  I know things happen partly due to me but I believed this is for the best.  I wanna do it in a nice way...in peace...in harmony...however as a normal human being I can only plan.

Long story short, I said it at the end of Sept 2018...and all hell broke loose.  Syukur that I'm still alive.  I told myself to stay low for a while...kinda traumatized with the whole events.  Let time heals...eventually...

ONCE...got talent

Off late, thanks to Unifi and my SmarTV I can just watch youtube directly.  My most favorite theme are comedy.  I loved watching Sepahtu Reunion & Live, Lawak ke Der series, Douglas Lim, drag queen from Spore...Comedy Central Asia..and of course Russel Peters and Trevor Noah.

Recently I bum into both America's and Britain's Got Talent.  There are two things that amazed me the most...1) Simon does have good heart and 2) people at large have good heart and very supportive.  I'm amazed to see how supportive the audiences especially when there are real talents performing.  The best things about youtube and all the people compiling the best performances by category made it easier for people like me to watch what I want.

There are few (ermm a lot actually) clips that was very touching...that touched my heart and made me having teary eyes.  To see all sorts of people coming for audition in these two developed countries yet they are not much different that us.  They do have people coming from difficult lives...you know like unemployed farmer, cleaner, single mom/dad, granny, cancer survivors, deaf, bully victim...yet they pour it out there...leaving whomever watching or listening felt good.

Bars & Melody wrote their own song about anti-bully based on his real experiences.  Such a lovely lyrics, melody and emotions.  It moved me to see their joy getting Golden Buzzer and seeing their moms' tears...am speechless.

Darcy's sweetness and Petunia's charms melt everyone's heart including mine.  And my other clips that I loved is about Mandy Harvey who lost her hearing ability at 16 y.o.  Wrote beautiful song about never give up and TRY.

Am I getting soft as I aged ? *sigh*

ONCE...challenges and blessings

Early this year came with quite a challenge.  My patience ran thin...I've forgotten where did I went.  From such a calm and composed person to such a rage no matter where I am.  I recalled last year where I blasted to some moronic Japanese in KLIA...surprisingly hasn't being viral hahahaha...

In February my wife miscarriage...all of us were sadden with the event.  I held my 4 months old fetus...everything was perfect except for his skull.  The blessings maybe as consoled by the doctor, maybe he may not survived after birth.  May Allah blessed him, and wait for me in Heaven.  Or at least he went there for sure.

That part was over but the scene started earlier went from bad to worse.  I can't stop from thinking whether this will be the beginning of an end.  So many things happen that I need to think...tried to separate all those madness and peel the sweetness in it.  But damn it was sooo hard that every time I almost had it...new madness came in.

Slowly...am drawing out the plan...and as I thought it was positively accepted...it derailed from the plan.  Ramadhan came...with all the blessings that He promised...Syawal approaching...let's see whether the time would wear off my patience to execute...or it has turned stone and hard to ever bother again.

ONCE...perjalananan 2016

ku harungi awal tahun ini sebagai seorang suami semula...suatu bentuk kehidupan yang agak lama ditinggalkan dan tempuhi semula dengan pengalaman, cabaran dan kemanisan yang baru...hampir setahun ku tempuh dan aku tahu aku masih perlu belajar...walaupun terkadang aku gunakan pengalaman lalu sebagai rujukan...aku syukur dengan ujian dan hikmah yang dating yang pastinya menjadikan hidup ini lebih baik dan lebih indah...

ku harungi awal tahun ini sebagai seorang pekerja yang menerima penghargaan sebagai Salesman of the Year 2015...ucapan aku dikatakan 'from the heart' dan menyentuh banyak hati dan airmata...hampa bila tiada rakaman dibuat ketika itu hanya rakaman diminda menjadi kenangan...rezeki Allah beri tidak perlu lagi risaukan parking...Alhamdulillah...dan ujian pasti tiba...bajet cut merata...new player dengan taktik luarbiasa dan tahun ini mungkin tak meet number...ujian agar kerja lebih keras dan lebih tajam dimasa akan datang...

ku harungi awal tahun ini sebagai seorang golfer dengan tekad untuk mencapai handicap 14...syukur aku berjaya capai tahap itu dan score terbaik setakat ini 81 di Bukit Kemuning Golf (tulah sekali..haih)...dan seperti biasa naik turun...bagus dalam 1-2 bulan kemudian bodohnya datang balik...harus belajar dan latih semula...membawa ke akhir tahun official handicap 16...improved dari tahun lepas...dan sekarang tgh datang bodoh...harus usaha lagi...

ku harungi awal tahun ini sebagai seorang anak yang masih punya ibu...sabtu 26 nov 2016 bersamaan 26 safar 1438, mak pulang dengan tenang di rumah setelah dua minggu di hospital sg buloh...ku tatap wajahnya hingga ke hembusan nafas yang terakhir...segala urusan berjalan lancar dan mudah...dengan haruman memecah hening pagi sehingga subuh hari..moga mak tenang di sana dan ditempatkan dikalangan orang-orang yang soleh...

ONCE...mampukah aku ?

Bermulanya 2015 dengan indah...bukannya sekarang tak indah...cuma kebelakangan ini ujian yang datang agak mencabar.  2015 aku ditemukan...mengisi kekosongan...menghidupkan hati yang selama ini mati...berjalan dengan cabaran yang tidak pernah aku tempuh sebelum ini...satu segi segalanya berjalan lancar tiada halangan...satu segi aku diuji untuk memahami...biarpun aku tidak difahami...

Bermulanya 2015 dengan indah...terima kenaikan pangkat...syukur Alhamdulillah...meraih hasil keringat tahun lepas...syukur Alhamdulillah...tidak pernah dapat seperti itu sebelum ini pun...ujian datang dengan cabaran yang makin sukar untuk dicapai...sepertinya tidak membenarkan untuk aku pergi lebih jauh...namun aku kuatkan semangat kerana aku percaya yang tiada ujian diturunkan kepada hambaNya melainkan hambaNya mampu...

Bermulanya 2015 dengan indah...permainan aku makin stabil...dengan set yang baru (walaupun 2nd hand)...meningkatkan semangat untuk perbaiki lagi...namun pada 17 Apr rumah aku dicerobohi dan kehilangan satu set yang masih dalam travel bag beserta 5 pasang kasut, 2 harddisk serta barang2 kecil yang tak disangka seperti 3 helai underwear baru, perfurme, deodoran dan juga tabung syiling.  Alhamdulillah tiada orang ketika itu tiada yang pecah...cume terkilannya hati dengan kehilangan...musibah menimpa percaya ada hikmahnya...hikmah mungkin cukup sudah pakai 2nd set...bermula yang baru dan setakat ini Alhamdulillah game masih stable dan boleh pergi lebaih baik..

Bermulanya 2015 dengan indah...berita gembira diterima semalam akan tetapi entah apa silapnya seperti bukan yang diharapkan...indah jadi murung...sepi...sunyi...hampir aku rebah memikirkan hikmah atas ujian ini...mampukah aku harunginya..? mampukah aku selaminya..? mampukan aku...?

Hanya padaMu Ya Allah aku memohon dan berserah...akan kerdil dan hinanya diri ini berbanding kuasaMu...bantulah aku Ya Allah...

ONCE...fasting in my own house

It has been almost a month since I moved in.  Syukur that all has been in place and in time.  There were some hiccups, but I thank God for having such a good friend.  Challenges with the car has not changed name yet and roadtax has expired...sending for service ended up with leaked fuel pump.  It has been 3 weeks in the workshop and I am still waiting for the car to be on my own name.

The house is lively with less furniture.  Insya-Allah when things get better I can fill it up slowly and nicely.  A bit far to the office thought but 'alah bisa tegal biasa' as the old Malay folks said.  Over time it feels like normal and it has been few times that I didn't notice the route yet I arrived safely at home.

I am looking forward for a new and better life.  Perhaps, slowly going 'back' to where I was.  It was quite easy being alone on my own.  My former tenant said yesterday, "...cantik zam...cuma macam kurang satu jek..." (...it's nice...but guess it lacks something..) in which I stopped him there by saying that it's not the time yet.  God knows when...but not me.

Well, better late than never...Selamat Berpuasa uolls...!!

ONCE...my own proper bed !!!

This time...about 20 minutes ago..I arrived at my home.  Felt great with what I saw..just the naked view from outside makes me goes urmmmm.

Nonetheless, just removed the plastic from my mattress and learnt that it has to be 'air' for a while.  Guess, it would be a while before I can sleep on it...hahaha...

ONCE...new beginning almost there

Wow...it has been close to 5 months since my last post.  How time flies...for some reason forgot that I have a blog till someone told me recently that my blog has been dull.  And for some reason tonite, I want to have sometime up here.

The last 6 weeks has been really interesting and challenging.  Started working on ID for my house, finally managed to get things moving there.  Hopefully, I can move in by end of the month.  Changed to better vehicle and ready buyer on the existing.  Found new account that has lots of potentials and very exciting people.  Kinda vibrant type of civil servants.

Apart from that, faced with very demanding customer whom almost made an impossible request.  Lost my buddies...one by one leaving to greener pastures...including my manager.  We are down to quite a small size...and I saw different kinda game going on.  Sleeves being rolled up and some has been progressing tremendously well.

The most recent one...I being pursued...relentlessly...don't know how long I can strive...

ONCE...good news in 2014

It was 6 Jan right before our department meeting that I received a call...what a relief and what a good news to start this year.  Syukur Alhamdulillah.  Project that I thought lost finally come to our shores.  Hopefully, more to come...

ONCE...getting bigger

Happy New Year everybody..!!!  After some time, I finally manage to bring them out.  They are getting  bigger and Nu'man really tembam.  From the time they got in the car, they talked non-stop about their umrah trip...school days...Auny got highest in Science in school...made me proud.

3 hours spent seems quite short...but perhaps good enough for me...full time, quality time no distraction.  Auny will be having her UPSR this year...Darweesh going to Std 1 today...hope all goes well...I love you all...abi missed you :*

ONCE...2013 closure

I know we have 1 more day to go but I might not be able to update tomorrow.  Since I'm at it, might as well get it done with.

2013 has been a rough year for me.  It has been very challenging for both professional and personal.  I had few big losses and few failures respectively.  I learnt few things in my losses and I have to be more aggressive and focus in the coming 2014.  Need to unleashed the killer instinct in me and drive it accordingly.  On my failures, I guess it was not my time yet.  I am placing it all in getting the better me first in 2014.  And really leave it all to Him.  When the time comes, I'm sure He will make it smooth and easy for me.

For those that I have encountered in both my professional and personal...whom so happen to read this blog...I present my humble apologies for all the mistakes and ill-feelings that I've done...I expressed my gratitude for the friendship, realization and lesson learnt that you share (knowingly or unknowingly).  May Allah blessed you all in your everyday lives.

So, thank you 2013 for the good and bad as both contributes towards better me in 2014.  Insya-Allah.

Happy New Year

ONCE...COBRA first excursion

It has been almost a year since COBRA was formed.  We had an outing in Tiara Melaka Golf & Country Club from 27 - 28 Dec 2013.  The fight between Captain Barbossa and Capt Sparrow on two days of golf, one round of bountiful dinner and decent lunch before head home.  The match results in draw (heheh).

Day 1 Fri - before teeoff

Day 1 Fri - Barbossa Red vs Sparrow B&W

Day 1 Fri - in-action (so-called)

Nite 1 Fri - pretending to be cool while waiting for food

Nite 1 Fri - appetizers with sata

Nite 1 Fri - enjoying the food and good company of fellow Cobras

Nite 1 Fri - pushed down the throat to finish all the crabs

Day 2 Sat - Breakfast

Day 2 Sat - Barbossa Blue vs Sparrow Red

Day 2 Sat - Before teeoff

Nite 2 Sat - Assam Pedas before hit home

 It was such a great events...get to know each and everyone's behaviors, characters, preferences and fumes.  Comradeship at its best...good fighting spirits and lots of laughter.  Looking forward for the coming trip guys !!!

ONCE...11.12.13

Eleventh of December 2013...perhaps the last nice numbers for this century...in my life time especially.  There will be no 13th month in a year coming 2014.

This date also symbolize new beginning for a short ending.  Not sure how long it may last...how patience the parties involved...how much available...and how much more is bearable.  Towards the ending, I've decided to put a stop in this kind of venture.  Probably, I'm too old for this already...yet the request to pursue and hoping we succeed.  Frankly, I doubt it.

ONCE...discovering unknown territories

Last week I went to some place new...learning new cultures...new way of life...new cuisine.  It makes you appreciate living in this beautiful country.  Having said that, little that was missed about home as there are bountiful locals there.  To my surprise they even speak Malay and accept RM...thinking of picking up new language goes to the drain as mostly people speak English.

There are also other elements that I learnt...exposed...and taking time to understand.  My first reaction of course could not take it...but I ponder and told myself to be patience a bit. Think it true...try to understand...and if need be find ways to correct it or worst, adapt to it.

Hoping the trip gave a new perspective...refresh my minds...and now kicking for the year end closing...yeaaaahaaaa...!!!

ONCE...36th

Another year gone by...another year older...hopefully, another year wiser.  Found the one and only...hope it will be forever.  We faced few challenges...but I guess, we weathered it well.  Touched with the greetings and warmth received in the office today.  And I must say that I'm truly amazed with Google.  My frontpage greeted with Google decorated with cakes (below).  Talking about customers for life, Google really has a way to keep you attached with them.

I hope this new day and coming...will be more healthy, fruitful, blessed and cherished.  Thank you Allah for all the 'nikmat'...hope to be better.

ONCE...feeling down

It has been close to 3 months...so much that we learnt...understand...explored...no less surprises as well.  Won't say it doesn't come with challenges but sweetness and charms beat them all.

I heard some news on Mon and yesterday people start asking me about it.  Some even heard about it last week.  It doesn't disturbed me not to be the first to know.  Focusing on submission for today...few issues crop-up...some on old account...some on new ones...bought down with all those...received an urgent message to call back and pushed to dinner later.  And another shocking news came...and then another...

Today has been very quiet...silent...early morning I've to start early in shooting my ammo as very simple things could not be resolved yesterday.  Unnecessary little Napoleon trying to impose shitty stuffs.  It was so damn hard to get business nowadays and the one that we have were made so difficult for us to keep our promise and deliver.  Thank God that my justification went thru and big boss gave green light to proceed.

Went very early to submit...imagine 11.15 proposal submitted to customer.  Still very quiet.  On the way just now, received another email...another issue.  Had early lunch...received a call..another issue..mood and moral went down and doesn't seem to have intention to get back up any time soon.

What is it ?  Crazy Wed ? This silence is killing me...surprisingly, I kinda coping with it well...perhaps few experiences before made me understand better...but not sure deal with it better yet.  Just sometimes...facing all these scenarios...I wish silence was not here...I need it now...when it matter the most.  Or perhaps...I'm too good in handling it alone...just like before...

ONCE...quarter closing (again)

As usual, every quarter end...dropping numbers.  This quarter has been very interesting.  Tenders came out...busy with submission.  My staff has report duty and started collecting POs.  My life also improved...has been fruitful, joyful and lovely.

Coming to 2nd months, lots of surprises...speechless moments...understand deeper...exploring and challenging comfort in seeing the progress...and of course...priceless memories.  Intend was shared and noted...let it go with the flow...until the day the He has pre-destined for us.  I thank God..syukur Alhamdulillah for the new beginning and smooth journeys...hope to be blessed till the end.