ONCE...perjalananan 2016

ku harungi awal tahun ini sebagai seorang suami semula...suatu bentuk kehidupan yang agak lama ditinggalkan dan tempuhi semula dengan pengalaman, cabaran dan kemanisan yang baru...hampir setahun ku tempuh dan aku tahu aku masih perlu belajar...walaupun terkadang aku gunakan pengalaman lalu sebagai rujukan...aku syukur dengan ujian dan hikmah yang dating yang pastinya menjadikan hidup ini lebih baik dan lebih indah...

ku harungi awal tahun ini sebagai seorang pekerja yang menerima penghargaan sebagai Salesman of the Year 2015...ucapan aku dikatakan 'from the heart' dan menyentuh banyak hati dan airmata...hampa bila tiada rakaman dibuat ketika itu hanya rakaman diminda menjadi kenangan...rezeki Allah beri tidak perlu lagi risaukan parking...Alhamdulillah...dan ujian pasti tiba...bajet cut merata...new player dengan taktik luarbiasa dan tahun ini mungkin tak meet number...ujian agar kerja lebih keras dan lebih tajam dimasa akan datang...

ku harungi awal tahun ini sebagai seorang golfer dengan tekad untuk mencapai handicap 14...syukur aku berjaya capai tahap itu dan score terbaik setakat ini 81 di Bukit Kemuning Golf (tulah sekali..haih)...dan seperti biasa naik turun...bagus dalam 1-2 bulan kemudian bodohnya datang balik...harus belajar dan latih semula...membawa ke akhir tahun official handicap 16...improved dari tahun lepas...dan sekarang tgh datang bodoh...harus usaha lagi...

ku harungi awal tahun ini sebagai seorang anak yang masih punya ibu...sabtu 26 nov 2016 bersamaan 26 safar 1438, mak pulang dengan tenang di rumah setelah dua minggu di hospital sg buloh...ku tatap wajahnya hingga ke hembusan nafas yang terakhir...segala urusan berjalan lancar dan mudah...dengan haruman memecah hening pagi sehingga subuh hari..moga mak tenang di sana dan ditempatkan dikalangan orang-orang yang soleh...

ONCE...mampukah aku ?

Bermulanya 2015 dengan indah...bukannya sekarang tak indah...cuma kebelakangan ini ujian yang datang agak mencabar.  2015 aku ditemukan...mengisi kekosongan...menghidupkan hati yang selama ini mati...berjalan dengan cabaran yang tidak pernah aku tempuh sebelum ini...satu segi segalanya berjalan lancar tiada halangan...satu segi aku diuji untuk memahami...biarpun aku tidak difahami...

Bermulanya 2015 dengan indah...terima kenaikan pangkat...syukur Alhamdulillah...meraih hasil keringat tahun lepas...syukur Alhamdulillah...tidak pernah dapat seperti itu sebelum ini pun...ujian datang dengan cabaran yang makin sukar untuk dicapai...sepertinya tidak membenarkan untuk aku pergi lebih jauh...namun aku kuatkan semangat kerana aku percaya yang tiada ujian diturunkan kepada hambaNya melainkan hambaNya mampu...

Bermulanya 2015 dengan indah...permainan aku makin stabil...dengan set yang baru (walaupun 2nd hand)...meningkatkan semangat untuk perbaiki lagi...namun pada 17 Apr rumah aku dicerobohi dan kehilangan satu set yang masih dalam travel bag beserta 5 pasang kasut, 2 harddisk serta barang2 kecil yang tak disangka seperti 3 helai underwear baru, perfurme, deodoran dan juga tabung syiling.  Alhamdulillah tiada orang ketika itu tiada yang pecah...cume terkilannya hati dengan kehilangan...musibah menimpa percaya ada hikmahnya...hikmah mungkin cukup sudah pakai 2nd set...bermula yang baru dan setakat ini Alhamdulillah game masih stable dan boleh pergi lebaih baik..

Bermulanya 2015 dengan indah...berita gembira diterima semalam akan tetapi entah apa silapnya seperti bukan yang diharapkan...indah jadi murung...sepi...sunyi...hampir aku rebah memikirkan hikmah atas ujian ini...mampukah aku harunginya..? mampukah aku selaminya..? mampukan aku...?

Hanya padaMu Ya Allah aku memohon dan berserah...akan kerdil dan hinanya diri ini berbanding kuasaMu...bantulah aku Ya Allah...

ONCE...fasting in my own house

It has been almost a month since I moved in.  Syukur that all has been in place and in time.  There were some hiccups, but I thank God for having such a good friend.  Challenges with the car has not changed name yet and roadtax has expired...sending for service ended up with leaked fuel pump.  It has been 3 weeks in the workshop and I am still waiting for the car to be on my own name.

The house is lively with less furniture.  Insya-Allah when things get better I can fill it up slowly and nicely.  A bit far to the office thought but 'alah bisa tegal biasa' as the old Malay folks said.  Over time it feels like normal and it has been few times that I didn't notice the route yet I arrived safely at home.

I am looking forward for a new and better life.  Perhaps, slowly going 'back' to where I was.  It was quite easy being alone on my own.  My former tenant said yesterday, "...cantik zam...cuma macam kurang satu jek..." (...it's nice...but guess it lacks something..) in which I stopped him there by saying that it's not the time yet.  God knows when...but not me.

Well, better late than never...Selamat Berpuasa uolls...!!

ONCE...my own proper bed !!!

This time...about 20 minutes ago..I arrived at my home.  Felt great with what I saw..just the naked view from outside makes me goes urmmmm.

Nonetheless, just removed the plastic from my mattress and learnt that it has to be 'air' for a while.  Guess, it would be a while before I can sleep on it...hahaha...

ONCE...new beginning almost there

Wow...it has been close to 5 months since my last post.  How time flies...for some reason forgot that I have a blog till someone told me recently that my blog has been dull.  And for some reason tonite, I want to have sometime up here.

The last 6 weeks has been really interesting and challenging.  Started working on ID for my house, finally managed to get things moving there.  Hopefully, I can move in by end of the month.  Changed to better vehicle and ready buyer on the existing.  Found new account that has lots of potentials and very exciting people.  Kinda vibrant type of civil servants.

Apart from that, faced with very demanding customer whom almost made an impossible request.  Lost my buddies...one by one leaving to greener pastures...including my manager.  We are down to quite a small size...and I saw different kinda game going on.  Sleeves being rolled up and some has been progressing tremendously well.

The most recent one...I being pursued...relentlessly...don't know how long I can strive...

ONCE...good news in 2014

It was 6 Jan right before our department meeting that I received a call...what a relief and what a good news to start this year.  Syukur Alhamdulillah.  Project that I thought lost finally come to our shores.  Hopefully, more to come...

ONCE...getting bigger

Happy New Year everybody..!!!  After some time, I finally manage to bring them out.  They are getting  bigger and Nu'man really tembam.  From the time they got in the car, they talked non-stop about their umrah trip...school days...Auny got highest in Science in school...made me proud.

3 hours spent seems quite short...but perhaps good enough for me...full time, quality time no distraction.  Auny will be having her UPSR this year...Darweesh going to Std 1 today...hope all goes well...I love you all...abi missed you :*

ONCE...2013 closure

I know we have 1 more day to go but I might not be able to update tomorrow.  Since I'm at it, might as well get it done with.

2013 has been a rough year for me.  It has been very challenging for both professional and personal.  I had few big losses and few failures respectively.  I learnt few things in my losses and I have to be more aggressive and focus in the coming 2014.  Need to unleashed the killer instinct in me and drive it accordingly.  On my failures, I guess it was not my time yet.  I am placing it all in getting the better me first in 2014.  And really leave it all to Him.  When the time comes, I'm sure He will make it smooth and easy for me.

For those that I have encountered in both my professional and personal...whom so happen to read this blog...I present my humble apologies for all the mistakes and ill-feelings that I've done...I expressed my gratitude for the friendship, realization and lesson learnt that you share (knowingly or unknowingly).  May Allah blessed you all in your everyday lives.

So, thank you 2013 for the good and bad as both contributes towards better me in 2014.  Insya-Allah.

Happy New Year

ONCE...COBRA first excursion

It has been almost a year since COBRA was formed.  We had an outing in Tiara Melaka Golf & Country Club from 27 - 28 Dec 2013.  The fight between Captain Barbossa and Capt Sparrow on two days of golf, one round of bountiful dinner and decent lunch before head home.  The match results in draw (heheh).

Day 1 Fri - before teeoff

Day 1 Fri - Barbossa Red vs Sparrow B&W

Day 1 Fri - in-action (so-called)

Nite 1 Fri - pretending to be cool while waiting for food

Nite 1 Fri - appetizers with sata

Nite 1 Fri - enjoying the food and good company of fellow Cobras

Nite 1 Fri - pushed down the throat to finish all the crabs

Day 2 Sat - Breakfast

Day 2 Sat - Barbossa Blue vs Sparrow Red

Day 2 Sat - Before teeoff

Nite 2 Sat - Assam Pedas before hit home

 It was such a great events...get to know each and everyone's behaviors, characters, preferences and fumes.  Comradeship at its best...good fighting spirits and lots of laughter.  Looking forward for the coming trip guys !!!

ONCE...11.12.13

Eleventh of December 2013...perhaps the last nice numbers for this century...in my life time especially.  There will be no 13th month in a year coming 2014.

This date also symbolize new beginning for a short ending.  Not sure how long it may last...how patience the parties involved...how much available...and how much more is bearable.  Towards the ending, I've decided to put a stop in this kind of venture.  Probably, I'm too old for this already...yet the request to pursue and hoping we succeed.  Frankly, I doubt it.

ONCE...discovering unknown territories

Last week I went to some place new...learning new cultures...new way of life...new cuisine.  It makes you appreciate living in this beautiful country.  Having said that, little that was missed about home as there are bountiful locals there.  To my surprise they even speak Malay and accept RM...thinking of picking up new language goes to the drain as mostly people speak English.

There are also other elements that I learnt...exposed...and taking time to understand.  My first reaction of course could not take it...but I ponder and told myself to be patience a bit. Think it true...try to understand...and if need be find ways to correct it or worst, adapt to it.

Hoping the trip gave a new perspective...refresh my minds...and now kicking for the year end closing...yeaaaahaaaa...!!!

ONCE...36th

Another year gone by...another year older...hopefully, another year wiser.  Found the one and only...hope it will be forever.  We faced few challenges...but I guess, we weathered it well.  Touched with the greetings and warmth received in the office today.  And I must say that I'm truly amazed with Google.  My frontpage greeted with Google decorated with cakes (below).  Talking about customers for life, Google really has a way to keep you attached with them.

I hope this new day and coming...will be more healthy, fruitful, blessed and cherished.  Thank you Allah for all the 'nikmat'...hope to be better.

ONCE...feeling down

It has been close to 3 months...so much that we learnt...understand...explored...no less surprises as well.  Won't say it doesn't come with challenges but sweetness and charms beat them all.

I heard some news on Mon and yesterday people start asking me about it.  Some even heard about it last week.  It doesn't disturbed me not to be the first to know.  Focusing on submission for today...few issues crop-up...some on old account...some on new ones...bought down with all those...received an urgent message to call back and pushed to dinner later.  And another shocking news came...and then another...

Today has been very quiet...silent...early morning I've to start early in shooting my ammo as very simple things could not be resolved yesterday.  Unnecessary little Napoleon trying to impose shitty stuffs.  It was so damn hard to get business nowadays and the one that we have were made so difficult for us to keep our promise and deliver.  Thank God that my justification went thru and big boss gave green light to proceed.

Went very early to submit...imagine 11.15 proposal submitted to customer.  Still very quiet.  On the way just now, received another email...another issue.  Had early lunch...received a call..another issue..mood and moral went down and doesn't seem to have intention to get back up any time soon.

What is it ?  Crazy Wed ? This silence is killing me...surprisingly, I kinda coping with it well...perhaps few experiences before made me understand better...but not sure deal with it better yet.  Just sometimes...facing all these scenarios...I wish silence was not here...I need it now...when it matter the most.  Or perhaps...I'm too good in handling it alone...just like before...

ONCE...quarter closing (again)

As usual, every quarter end...dropping numbers.  This quarter has been very interesting.  Tenders came out...busy with submission.  My staff has report duty and started collecting POs.  My life also improved...has been fruitful, joyful and lovely.

Coming to 2nd months, lots of surprises...speechless moments...understand deeper...exploring and challenging comfort in seeing the progress...and of course...priceless memories.  Intend was shared and noted...let it go with the flow...until the day the He has pre-destined for us.  I thank God..syukur Alhamdulillah for the new beginning and smooth journeys...hope to be blessed till the end.

ONCE...56th merdeka

It has 56 years since we had our independence day. Glorious and prosperous...challenging and tough too. Hope it remains peaceful forever.

This merdeka month also brought life to the piece that I thought was dead. Never see it coming this way. It has been exciting, flattering, challenging, unexpected, lovely and undescribable feelings too. Unplanned journey n laughter has filled the moments and managed to light the piece to life.

Merdeka night spent with changing routes and end up with fabulous crab meat by the sea backed by volunteering singer and breeze winds. It was spectacular. It was intriguing. It was priceless moments.

Thank you for allowing me and making me feel alive like this again...

ONCE...ramadhan 2013

It has been 11 days...I don't know what to hope for.  Typically, hope that this Ramadhan will be better than last year.  Actually...? I hope I can do just that.  One good thing I guess is...this year's Ramadhan I will be doing it as a single man again.  Perhaps, this time around I can trim down a little bit compared to last year.  But sometimes, it does creeps into my mind.

I realized that my world doesn't revolve much.  It circles around the same area for the past 5 years.  Need to find a new setup or fresh environment or totally different culture. Some say the web can provide tremendous ideas or rather information depending on what you are searching for.  Tried it...and almost gave up.  Either it is because there's too much on the web and you do not know what to look for...or it was just a false hope provided by the web.

It hit me 3 days ago that perhaps I should just leave it for now...focus on what I wanted to do this year...work it, get it, celebrate it.  The search can be by-the-way kinda thing and not primary as it seems to be now.  Work my numbers...get the house checked...ensure the car well maintained...and stay healthy.  Remember that Haizam !!!

# SELAMAT BERPUASA #

ONCE...baraissia doqmen

On the 8th of June this year, I joined my friends and form BARAISSIA DOQMEN for our Closed Futsal Tournament at Subang Grand.  It has been almost 8 years since I last played futsal.  Considering age and stamina factors, I took goalkeeper post.  First time joining the weekly game, I have to learn alot about being a futsal keeper.  My first investment was on knee and elbow cover, and a pair of Nike glove.

Back : Apis, Harry, Juan, Ijadz
Front : Senior, Atang, Eka (Manager), Shah, Me

After the 2nd or 3rd time, my 9 years old futsal shoes (the design not available anymore) torn apart...unplayable.  So, my second investment was on Adidas Top Sala.  Kang thought me a lot about futsal goalkeeping.  Injured my index finger as well.  Made me start looking for a fingertip save gloves.  One day, we went to Pertama Complex where I bought a matching shirt and shorts (matching my shoes), then, knee and elbow pad (some say it was meant for volleyball's), matching socks, goalkeeper shorts and Adidas Predator training glove. The same day I played using the glove and it broke like hell.  After 7 hours leaving the store, the glove found itself in the dustbin.

The journey in finding Adidas fingertip save glove was very devastating.  About 4 Adidas boutiques, 5 Al-Ikhsan outlets, 2 Royal Sporting House...and they all don't have it.  End up in Nike store in Mid Valley, and I bought the last piece of my investment; Nike GK Spyne Pro.  That removes all the ambition to be total Adidas apparel for the tournament.  But, it was worthwhile.  During the tournament, hips and below on Adidas, while top on Nike.

After 1st match where we won 2-0

At group stage, we won against Mendung B (2-0), Bola-bola Api (3-0) and EB United (3-2) while we lost to Mendung A (0-2).  Semi-final held to a draw (1-1) with Rimba FC and brought to penalty shoot-out.  We went down with 3-2.  In the 3-4 places, we won against Waklu FC (3-1) thus won the 2nd runner-up for the event.  For someone who start from down below in being a futsal keeper, they (not me) believed it was a great performance.  Overall, we shot 15 goals and conceded 6 goals.

Me in action

sorry...giving my back

2nd Runner-up...yeaahaaa !!!

It was a great tournament, awesome experiences and exemplary camaraderie among Baraiss'.  It made our friendship closer.  Eventhough, diksu is leaving, but the friendship stays...and we do hope he will be back soon.

ONCE...i did it again

Today, I admitted that I've made another mistakes. Compromising unnecessarily. I had to put a stop to it...and I did it today.  Thought if finding a better day...better moment...but, I guess the sooner the better. I'm so sorry that it turned out to be this way.

ONCE...there, I said it...

It has been almost two months of exploring...gathering info, analyzing facts, cross checking references to a sound decision making.  Even if we use the most sophisticated system in the world, it won't be a perfect decision.  Decision making is just a checkpoint leading towards the path chosen...another journey to start...and definitely, there will be another checkpoint (sooner or later), where another decision has to be made.

Today, I said it.  What I held so close to me...fearing of making another mistake again...but even then, it is as almost, closing my eyes and go for it.  I hope this is the best and this is final.  Really exhausted to revisit it and start the processes all over again.  I pray for the journey for this decision today, would be smooth sailing.  No doubt there will be challenges and pain, but hope I can steer and endure it successfully.  Insya-Allah...

ONCE...it's official

Feb 14, official announcement during our department's kickoff that I've made it to the club.  The next day poster came out in the lift and few public places bearing our names.  Proudly and humbled to see my name there for the 1st time.

Now, it's already first week of March.  Things started moving i.e. getting busier than before.  And I should be busier as still lot more to be covered.  The journey is still far this year.  Hope all will go well as planned.

February has always been a 'good' month for me.  There has been cases where it all started in February.  And it suddenly became scary when I just realized it when I'm about to write this down.  I'm not sure where will it leads to.  To some of my closed friends, they are worried.  Need to think deeply and thoroughly on both sides.  Frankly, I'm afraid to even think about it.  Not sure whether I'm ready...whether I have what it takes...whether I'm willing...

All I can do now, pray to Allah to show me the way...perhaps, slowly letting go and let it be naturally.