ONCE...all is done ?

It was early Wed (25 Feb) morning...too early that either people are supposed to be sleeping or not supposed to be awake at all.  I said it all that morning, the intention, the thinking and most importantly...the decision.  Earlier seems like well...but then it's not quite as expected.  And that incident kinda close any chance of closing the gap and trying again.

I had enough i guess.  For the best of all, I believed that's the best solution.  Have tried so many ways, bearing it for as long as I can remember...and with much thinking and trying...I've lost all the steams to move on.  Thinking further just made my head heavier, trying to figure out the light at the end of the tunnel that never seems to come out.

As much as I want to get it over with, I have to hold on for just a little while.  I guess, Mar 2009 will decide...whether it'll be over...or better.  For now...I apologize to all that affected...it's my bad...I'm really really sorry...

ONCE...hmmm...

Many things happen since 13 Feb...all the way over the weekend...wanna share it here but dunno how & where to start...best of all...can't really share it  :(   be it good or bad, has to swallow it alone...

man...do i love or hate my job ? hmmm...

ONCE...syukur

I spent almost the whole day yesterday in the office to update all the status about my current project in the system.  Then, update all the necessary DBs as well as trying to do the tender (but didn't managed to).  And some 'heart-broken' incident that happen as well.

Anyway, today had a meeting with the team preparing for tomorrow's.  They expected me to be there everyday and just forget the remaining task that I have back in the office.  Hmm...how I wish I could.  Back to office, had few meetings...then my boss told me that she has something to talk to me...erk..suspense !!!  

She told me that she need to put me into the KH project but further details Roks will update me.  Then, sat down with Roks & Man...being welcomed to the team..briefed briefly on the scope and expectations.  Told him about my pending activities and hope that can announce that I start full-time starting next week.

After that, bum into Roks at the surau where he told me that I'm lucky.  Someone requested for me to be involved in the project, otherwise he said, no new bodies will join the team.  Hope that does not bring uneasiness to the team.  And with that also, the expectations are high on me.

Now, I started feeling that time is really short for me.  I remembered one hadith..lebih kurang camni la:

Beringatlah tentang 5 perkara sebelum datangnya 5 perkara:

- Muda sebelum tua

- Sihat sebelum sakit

- Lapang sebelum sibuk

- Senang sebelum susah

- Hidup sebelum mati

Nevertheless, am thankful to God for His blessings and guidance in going thru all those challenges.  Alhamdulillah...

ONCE...getting closer

Yesterday, supposed to present to the Director.  Prepared everything till 4 am.  Had 2 hours sleep then went to Putrajaya for Chg Mgmt meeting followed by the presentation to the Director.  The presentation should start at 2.30 pm but only to know at 2.11 pm that the Director might not attend !

Bit frustrated, but we went ahead.  My Head of Sales arrived, I briefed him about the situation and the impact...we will not get any signoff.  Take it positively, went ahead to present everything as planned.  Went well ;-)

During Q&A, mixed response received.  Got few scuds...and few supports as well.  Justified and explained everything.  After the meeting, I 'usik' the scuds' launcher..."amboi garangnye..tak kasi can langsung...." hehehe...some apologized stating that it's only during the meeting (that's actually the critical time for you to be friendly...duh!) but everybody laughing...no heart-feeling per-se.

I guess...need to really strategize on how to convince them as some source saying that the Director is ok to sign...just that her team couldn't answer some of her questions regarding the project.  That made her wary on the progress.  Insya-Allah, it getting nearer to completion.

ONCE...it's time of the year again

During this time, all the bosses are busy finalizing their subordinates' CPE (performance evaluation).  Mine was not that impressive last 2 years...I believed should be better for last year.  The Annual Kick-off is on 11 Feb 2009 and only then I'll know whether I've improved greatly or not.  If my not doesn't come-up, the following days after that will be the session with my boss or getting the final evaluation.

There are few things that I wanna do if am entitled for HPC.  Insya-Allah I'll share it once I know the result. 

ONCE...war is still on

The project that am handling now may seems like coming to an end already.  On 2 Jan 2009, we had a good presentation, celebrated it with the team that nite thinking that we made great progress.  We did in fact and I told my dear friends that I may be coming like Frodo.  Going thru routines that he need to go to the Elves island for another adventure.

The following weeks I realized that the war is not over yet.  We may have won few battles, but the war is still on.  It's only the end of the Fellowship of the Ring and entering to The Two Towers.  On 21 Jan 2009, we will make a presentation...gearing it to be the final presentation to the Director.  Could it be the Return of the King and the end of the Lord of the Rings ?  Hope so hehehe...

I must say, it has been great experiences working in this project.  The sentiment, the spirits, the challenges, the trauma, the pain and the gain are all priceless and no money in this world can buy it from me (but you can pay me to share hehehe...).

I've prepared my slides for the presentation...will do a mock-up presentation to my bosses tomorrow morning.  Final rehearsal with the team tomorrow nite...then full day meeting on Wed.  Wed noon will be D'Day !  Please God, make it all seamless to us during the presentation, Amin.

ONCE...welcome 2009 !!!

Good bye 2008...welcome 2009 !  Lots of good and bad in 2008..all the goods to be cherished, maintained and in fact, polished for better...the bad are priceless experienced to be remembered and improved...simply said, all the experienced are priceless...and it prepared us to be a better person in the future.

Have set 3 focus areas for me in 2009...in fact, for 5 years.  But the goals are set for 2009 first...yet to plan the strategy in accomplishing those.  God's will...I'll hit them all with flying colors.

ONCE...towards the end

Last week has been very challenging.  The pressure to complete the project is one, pressure to ensure numbers met is another. On Christmas Eve, we got to know that some numbers has been taken, and it affect badly on the numbers that we forecasted.  And, customers' availability made the pressure so intense that it can blow an island !!!

Been strategizing since then...execute one by one.  Some battles has been won...but the war is still on.  By Dec 30, one battle to be won...Jan 02, another battle...and perhaps only on 3rd week of Jan '09 that the war can be concluded.  But, I foresee an uphill battle by then.

Soooo many lessons to be learnt from this project...both on- and off- project.  The good and bad..the sweets and pain..the glories and failures...

ONCE...feeling the heat ?

Crazily busy lately !  Pushing the limit to ensure everything can be delivered by year end.  The dev team showed tremendous progress...eased my pressure and lifted my confidence.  Now, getting all documentation and preparation for the signoffs.

Trying to get the hotels for trainings and UAT sessions are really out-of-mind-crazy at this moment.  Most of the hotels are fully booked...flights not available...but doing it in Klang Valley may not get the best results.  And the feeling that am doing it alone while everybody is watching.  Some waiting with joy for me to deliver...some with scepticism that it can be done.

Really feels lonely today... :(   Nevertheless, will focus and strategize in getting it done !  At this moment, delegation may bring disappointment.  Guess better to be sure myself !

Just wondering...now, am pushing the limit with all the pressures (that sometimes I didn't feel ?!)...what would happen when there's no pressure ?  Would I be like headless chicken in the dark ?  Would I collapse (hahahah) ?  Not to mention...the unspokable pressure lies beneath...hmm...may God bless me with strength, confidence, determination and strong-will to make it a SUCCESS !!!

ONCE...birthday card

My wife sent me this lovely poem in my birthday card...thank you dear...

ONCE...alone at Project Office

Had a meeting this morning at my project office in Jln Duta.  After lunch, doing my work alone here.  So the best one hehehe.  Played the songs outloud...singing outloud...same time doing my work.  Guess the most productive documentationing work so far hahaha.  Too bad my VPN not that stable..otherwise, probably all DB in the office would be updated.

Best part, all those done while chatting, listening, singing and thinking.. Waaa...hehehe...(comforting myself.....)

ONCE...Nu'man's 4th birthday

He turned 4 last Sat 22 Nov 2008.  So excited with his toys ;-)

Birthday cake

Ben10 enthusiast !

Arweesh posing cute..hehehe..

ONCE...my 31st Birthday !!!

Well, another year.  Getting older...but still young at heart hehehee... Anyway, my colleague treat me lunch today at Secret Recipe, Subang Parade.  My wife told me about the promo at Secret Recipe, buy one free one cake.  Thought of buying and treat friends at the office...but guess what ?!

special counter to take orders

bee-line queue !!! this is just 1/4 of them queuing

I dunno whether suddenly so many people having their birthday party today.  But close to 200 people queuing.  Last photo (blurred..thus not nice to upload) was taken from the counter's view. The cashier asked me:

Cashier : Sorry sir, where are you from ?

Me : Oh..sorry..just for my personal blog.  So happen it's my birthday today.  Just wanna hype-it out in my blog :D

Cashier : Oh..happy birthday sir !

Guess she afraid that I may report negatively to press on their promo or whatever.  But, I realized that I should have asked her when she wished me "...can I order here for my birthday ? here's my IC.." hehehe...

Anyway, may God blessed me as always, cherished with happiness, getting wiser, and be an obedient servant of Him.  Amin...

ONCE...my best friend's girl

Cam best jek cite nih...hmmm....

ONCE...lovely poem

My wife sent me this poem on 7th Oct...tq dear :)

Walk with Me

Will you be my love forever?

Walk hand in hand together.

I'll be your rock to lean upon, 

Your shelter 'til the storm is gone. 

When no one is on your side, 

Wrapped in my arms you can hide.

If you feel lost or alone, 

Remember how our love has grown. 

You sprinkled sunshine in my heart. 

You've been my friend from the start. 

So walk with me forever, 

We'll spend our lives together!

ONCE...raya

Just got back to SA. Few crazy type of traveling times and journey (so-to-speak). Great times seeing relatives and families. Some rekindles the good old memories..some make it harder to think...

Went back to Kedah on 30th Sept 12.30 am left SA. Stop-over at Bkt Gantang for some fresh-air..gotta slow-down a bit as its raining heavily from Taiping all the way to Alor Setar. Luckily, managed to arrive about 15 minutes before Subuh..quick soq, after Subuh tidoq hehehe. T/hari baru bangun..searched for 'beras zakat', then at nite paid zakat at Derang.

Coming back to my home town (Kole Selangoq) on 3rd Oct, bit jammed in Alor Setar itself. Went out at 6.30 pm, suppose can reached the toll booth in 15 minutes..but it took us 45 minutes that day. Stop for quick dinner at Bkt Merah around 8 pm. Another quick stop at Ulu Bernam and non-stop...reached home at 1 am. My brothers were cooking...and started asking me to change my gear.

While waiting for the last 'nasi himpit', chit-chat with my mom..i think around 2 something...lots of things was shared. At 5 am, my mom said "..apa kata kita potong bawang nih..takde la sembang kosong jek.." I only slept at 10.30 am, after knowing the 'rombongan' will only come at 2 pm (err...my sister's engagement on 4th Oct :D my only sister..). Everything went smooth..alhamdulillah.

Quite trying to came back just now. Left at 8.40 pm, 2 cars (as I need to bring back my car that my brother borrowed). Stop at Kapar as Darweesh didn't stop crying. Pacify him a bit..then head home. Sent my sister, then finally at home at 11.05 pm.

Planned to do some work..kinda prepare for long day tomorrow. But then, there's Tarzan on Disney Channel :( hehehe..anyhow, turned on my notebook...nothing on my mail..so started reading Joe's blog (hehee..) and wanna register mine here for Raya.

Some are better kept in my mind..in my heart..in my soul...some..perhaps can be shared here. Or perhaps, one day..I can just let it all out...here...

ONCE...nikmat

Nikmat Allah turunkan ada bermacam2. Nikmat kenyang..nikmat tidur..nikmat hilang dahaga..nikmat kepuasan (segala macam kepuasan la kirenye)..nikmat kejayaan..nikmat kasih sayang..nikmat berjalan..nikmat melihat..nikmat berfikir..dan bermacam2 lagilah.

Manusia kebiasaannya tidak bersyukur atas nikmat yg dikurniakan. Ada yg merasakan nikmat hanya dtg selepas diuji..padahal didlm Al-Quran tlh dijelaskan bahawa nikmat dikurniakan sepanjang masa..kpd semua umat manusia..tidak mengira bangsa, agama dan usia. Dan amatlah sedikit manusia itu yg bersyukur.

Kita cume kenal akan nikmat setlh diuji. Itupun jika kita berusaha utk merenumg akan ujian yg diturunkan serta hikmah yg tersirat disebaliknya. Ramai antara kita yg bersyukur setlh diuji...kadang2, nikmat ditarik balik kerana kita tak bersyukur. Kerana kita salahguna nikmat yg dikurniakan..ataupun mungkin, didatangi ujian yg lebih hebat..utk kita kenal akan nikmat yg lebih tinggi..supaya kita bersyukur.

Sempena bulan barakah ini serta kedatangan Syawal tidak lama lagi...saya ingin mengucapkan Selamat Hari Raya kpd rakan2 semua...dan mohon ampun maaf sekiranya ada terkasar bahasa, tersilap kata, terguris hati, terluka rasa...dan mohon halalkan makan minum serta ilmu dan pengalaman yg dikongsikan. Sama2lah kita panjatkan kesyukuran kehadratNya atas segala nikmat yg tlh dikuriakanNya.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
Maaf Zahir Batin

(posted from my E71)

ONCE...hurt

Hurt only happens when we love someone.  It hurts to love...and even more when we hurt the person that we love.  So many times it happen...hurting the ones that we love the most. Mostly unintentionally.

Some cases allow us to understand the other party better.  As we hurt, as they hurt, we know the limits and boundaries...we know and understand the other party better, the relationship and love would become much more meaningful.  But, there are cases also where it becomes a disaster.  Unrecoverable..no turning back..catastrophe..disappointment..frustration..unacceptable.

Why do we hurt  ?  Is it because we have expectations and the expectations was not shared with the other party or the expectations was not met at all ?  Or because we haven't know the other party well just yet ? 

Then, how do we prevent from hurting people that we love that brings to disaster ?  Was it much easier not to love anybody ?  Or perhaps just a few or only One ?  

...just a food for thoughts...

ONCE...PMP Exam !

I've shared about the exam here.  The exam took place this morning.  I've ramped-up since Sun till the eleventh hour last nite.  Didn't sleep on Sun, Mon and Tue (covered during the day..got permission to MIA to study).  I informed my customer that I'm taking the exam, so try not to disturb me hehehe.

Last nite was very challenging.  Planned to do last revision, reading the summaries, study the past exam by looking at the answers, etc.  But He knows more than we do.  At 9 pm, my wife started shivering.  Didn't respond when I called her.  My heart pumping like crazy.  My kids all started crying.  Nu'man even started promising to be good boy, will listen to what my wife said.."nu'man janji..wake up la ummi..".

Called 999 but they asked me repeatedly "what's your wife's condition ?"  Some point I get irritated already.  What do they expect ? I just need an ambulance !  Then, connected to Hospital Klang.  I cancelled, I wanna send her to SMC.  They assisted by giving me SMC's number.  Called SMC, they channeled it to the Emergency and they gave me a mobile number (&*$%!!!) which not answered.

Get all my kids into the car (and all of them cried like anything).  I carried my wife from bed to the car (I really really need to go back to the gym !).  Drove as fast as I can to my in-laws house. Drop the kids. Prayed hard to God (fuel indicator blinking from home) to allow me to reach SMC, then it's ok to run out of fuel.  Emergency started doing their work, then they said need to do CT Scan, admitted after receiving ING's GL.  By midnight warded and my mom-in-law arrived.

Since it's sharing, husband can't wait.  Told my mom-in-law that I've exam in the morning.  I'll come straight after the exam.  Went back, prayed, packed my kids & wife's stuffs, drop them at my in-laws house...and head to the Lab.  Studied there till 2.30 am where my body can't go anymore.  Took a nap (intended just a nap and wake up for sahur).  But woke-up at 6.15, phone got problem (no network !!!).  Had to turned it off, then on again.

Then, do my last revision, transfer some docs to my new E71. I left at 7 am...arrived at 7.30 am.  My exam suppose to start at 9 am, need to be ther eby 8.30.  But they said, can start early..then finish early.  Took some time to do last revision (on the formulas), then went in at 7.55 am.  Prayed alot..selawat alot...dozed off quite alot as well.  Finished it all in 3 hours and 40 minutes.  I closed my eyes as I click Submit (and prayed like crazy again!).

Instead of result, questionnaire first.  Do it quickly..and again, close my eyes as I submit the survey. "Please God...I wanna see Congratulations...".  Then, "Congratulations ! You have passed the PMP Exam...."  Alhamdulillah..thank God !!!  And I cried in front of the PC.  After all the challenges, my prayers was answered...I really really thanked Him.

Am glad and thankful for the trust that my bos gave to me as she fought and justify to management for me taking the exam.  Thankful to my wife for allowing me to take the time off studying...to all my friends and buddies for the support.  Now, am humbly declared myself as

Project Management Professional !

ONCE...7th Anniversary

Yesterday, our 7th anniversary (sorry dear..late posting this). I must say, this time is the most challenging year for us. For me especially. We were tested big time!

She always been a good wife, good mother to our kids, good women. She's the best I must say. The fact that she hold strong listening to all my explanations and confessions, and accepting them as well..really made me salute her. Am I the best for her ? I hope and will strive to be just that. Is she the best for me ? No question about that at all.

No matter what..I'll cherish and will find ways to further improve our relationship, ensure happiness all the time. Please bear with me on all my weaknesses and limitations, my...(u know what honey..). I pray to Him...and will always pray for us to be together..come what may...We all had and will always be tested as we live. And I always believed that there's wisdom or blessings or lessons waiting for us to unveiled from every test that comes. Your trust and forgiveness are highly appreciated.

I love you always...happy 7th anniversary sayang...muah ! :D